Day 82

Dear Journal – Day 82 on earth

Well journal, I've been doing some soul searching and out of the kindness of my heart made the decision to allow mommy and daddy to sleep for longer than 3 hours at a time. I did this for about two nights but decided that I should keep them on their toes and constantly alert, so then the next night I woke them up every couple of hours. I have to remind them who is in charge in this house!

I made some new friends this week, unfortunately mommy thought it was appropriate to sniff my butt in front of them. How embarrassing. I was mortified for the rest of the day and made sure she knew it by exercising my lungs.

The furry beast they keep calling ‘brother’ seems to be adapting better near my presence. He has stopped sniffing and attempting to lick the top of my head and face. I haven’t quite figured him out yet, he has three legs and no nose, he snores louder than daddy at night and barks whenever someone gets near me. Not sure what to make of him yet, but I’m sure I’ll figure it out! I have the biggest urge to pull on his fur…I wonder if he’ll mind? Guess we will find out in a few months!

Mommy and daddy keep talking about a ‘date night’…I wonder where we are going? I hope it’s a fancy restaurant, I have a new dress I need to wear! I can only assume they plan on taking me with them because seriously, they wouldn’t dare leave me while they go have a nice night out! If they do decide to make a mistake like that, I’ll be sure to let them know how I feel. Hope they aren't getting used to me allowing them to sleep at night, because I can easily take that away from them! Silly parents, I’ll eventually train them properly…I just need time and to constantly practice singing the song of my people.

Well journal, I hit the bottle pretty hard and now I’m sleepy. I’m feeling generous today so maybe I’ll let the mommy get some stuff done around the house while I get some beauty sleep!

Until next time,

Dahlia

  

Day 62

Dear Journal - Day 62 on this earth

I have finally figured it out! My parents are Prince William and the beautiful Duchess Kate. I say this because everyone keeps calling me 'Princess', they are constantly spoiling me and I literally get everything that I want...so this can clearly only mean that I am Royalty. William and Kate are humble people, they insist I call them 'mommy' and 'daddy'.

Yesterday was rough, the giants...excuse me, mommy and daddy, took me to the 'doctor’s office'. I'm not sure why they call it that, they should really consider renaming it the 'torture office'. Daddy held me while this stranger, who apparently wasn't aware of my royalty status, stabbed me with the world’s largest needles. My screams weren't loud enough to get her to stop and daddy just let it happen! For this I will spend the next 2-3 years coming up with a revenge plan. Let’s just say no public place will ever be safe of my temper tantrums.

I continue to keep mommy and daddy up at night, not sure what this 'sleeping through the night' thing they keep talking about is but let’s get real...that's not happening. Just for giggles, I like to trick them into thinking it'll happen and then wake up at 4:00am screaming for attention. Ha! Suckers.

Every time I start to act mad the mommy and daddy immediately pick me up, change me or feed me! I swear I could get used to this kind of treatment. I will be milking this for as long as I possibly can. Their level of obsession is becoming somewhat concerning...they clearly have no lives other than me. Right now, I will accept it...we'll talk again about this obsession in 13-16 years.

Well journal, it's almost time to eat again. I need to warm up my lungs and prepare for my feed me scream.

Until next time,

Dahlia