Day 172

Dear Journal - Day 172 on Earth 

Oh my journal, where are my manners? It has been 23 days since my last entry. Where has the time gone? I swear it feels like it was just yesterday I was plotting my plan to control the giants (who we now refer to as mommy and daddy) lives. Dare I say journal, I have become somewhat attached to them. They bring me joy, kind of like a fresh new diaper or a nice warm bottle right before bed. They entertain me and worship the ground I attempt to roll on, what more can a girl ask for?

I do have a few updates on my life that you will be happy to hear about journal. First and foremost, the rolling over situation that I have mentioned on several occasions…NAILED IT! While I enjoyed my view from the side, I finally decided it was time to really commit myself to this task. Journal can I be completely honest with you? After I completed this daunting task that has been looming over my head for over a month now, I can’t say I was too impressed by the whole situation. What was all the hype about? So I rolled from my back to my stomach, WOO HOO? I spent nights wondering, can I do it? Then it happened and it was…okay…I guess. I’m beginning to think my time would have been much better spent doing more important things like getting my toes into my mouth or grabbing mommy’s hair.

While I wasn’t too impressed with rolling over, I must say ‘sitting up’ is much more enjoyable. I can see the entire room when I sit up! Sometimes, mommy will sit me up on the couch with her and I can see everything! There is so much I want to touch around the room, some really pretty shiny things that look important! Just need to figure out how to get to them, but that will have to wait. When I sit up the furry beast likes to come smell my face. Mommy says he is giving me kisses, but I’m pretty sure kisses aren’t supposed to smell like my dirty diapers. I thought my food tasted bad, I can’t even image what they must be feeding him! No wonder he is always hanging out under the table crying, poor thing just wants food that smells good. Journal, I promise now that when I get older I will share my food with the furry beast!

Mommy and daddy did the unthinkable, AGAIN! They left me home while they went out and celebrated their ‘wedding anniversary’. Another reason for me to wear a pretty dress and what do they do? Leave me to spend the evening with my Auntie! Journal, you and I both know I love my Auntie very much but COME ON! I’m pretty sure as the ruler of this house I should be allowed to get dressed up and go everywhere with mommy and daddy! But alas, they were punished for their unkind act. While I was an absolute angel for my Auntie, the next night I decided that mommy and daddy could do without a few hours of sleep. I mean, they spent a few hours without me…so it was only fair. When it was time for me to go to bed, I accepted it because I would need the sleep. But later on in the night, when I knew mommy and daddy were fast asleep…I woke up and started crying. When mommy ran into the room to check on me, I stopped crying and gave her a BIG smile! HA! That’ll teach them!

Today we celebrated ‘Father’s Day’. Yup journal it’s exactly what it sounds like, a day celebrating daddy! I knew something was up when mommy was the one who got me out of bed this morning! I usually spend my mornings with daddy, but today I was surprised to see mommy’s face hovering over my bed! Even in the mornings that woman is excited to see me. Anyway journal, mommy and I had a great morning and let daddy sleep in. Not sure why those two enjoy getting to sleep in, what a waste of a day! They should really consider waking up early like I do and then taking a nice nap later on in the morning. Clearly they need to get on my napping level! Once daddy woke up to start his day, mommy made him a delicious looking and smelling breakfast. To no surprise, I did not get any. Someday soon journal I will get my hands on their food, soon…it will happen soon.  Overall journal, I think daddy had a great day…who am I kidding? OF COURSE he had a great day! He got to spend it with me!

Well journal, it’s that time again. Before I say goodnight, I want to tell you something pretty exciting! I am now on ‘social media’. Honestly journal, I have no idea what that means! I do know that I have an account where I post pictures of myself being freaking adorable, and who doesn’t want to see that? So journal when you get a chance, follow me on Instagram @DahliasJournal.

Until next time,

Dahlia 

Day 149

Dear Journal - Day 149 on Earth

I honestly do not even know where to start journal. So much has happened since we last spoke! I took my first trip out of town, that’s right I am now a traveler! We spent the weekend in a faraway land called ‘Nebraska’. They are very serious about their corn over there. I wore a big pink dress and mommy put a bow on my head, she was not getting the hint that I did not like the dress when I kept spitting up all over it. I keep thinking that woman will learn, but so far she keeps ignoring my blatant hints. After sitting down in the biggest room I had ever been in with a ton of people, this very beautiful lady wearing this big white dress showed up out of nowhere! Now journal, you and I both know I am not the emotional type, but I have to say even this made me tear up a little bit. Anyway, I tried to tell her she looked beautiful but mommy and daddy kept trying to keep me quiet! Not sure what that was all about, it seemed like an important event and I wanted the whole room to hear my opinion! Rude.

After what seemed like a very long time, we left the big room and went to an even bigger room full of different lights, colors and loud music! Everyone kept coming up to me and telling me I looked beautiful. I politely smiled and pretended like I didn’t already know that. There were so many people I had never met before! I was beginning to think the whole party was for me, until mommy took me to see the beautiful lady in the white dress and I realized that the party was for her! Turns out journal we went to a ‘wedding’. After what I saw I can safely conclude that a wedding is a big party with lots of delicious food, cake, silly dancing and pretty dresses. Daddy told me that I was not allowed to have a wedding for at least another 35 years. Journal, this man is going to deprive me of delicious cake and dancing for another 12,775 DAYS. What in the day old crusted bottle is that all about?

When we came home after our exciting trip, I got a nice long bath and slept happily in my crib! When I woke up the next morning mommy had such a great surprise for me! We went out for breakfast with my BFF Ellison who was finally home from Ireland! I was so excited that I accidentally fell asleep at the restaurant. Oops. But then Ellison and her mommy came over and we all went on a long walk! It was such a fun day…then I started to suspect that mommy was up to something and as always journal, I was right. The next morning was nothing like I had ever experienced…

Journal, you know how for the past 60 days my Auntie has been coming over to spend the day with me at my house? Well I was in for a rude awakening Tuesday morning when she didn’t show up.

The day started out normal, I woke mommy and daddy up with my beautiful voice and they gave me the same old bottle. At any moment I was expecting my Auntie to walk in through the door and she didn’t. Instead mommy and daddy put me in my traveling throne or as the other babies call it, the car seat. Were we taking another trip? Were we going to the store that mommy has an unhealthy obsession with? (It’s called ‘Target’ and trust me journal for your sake, I’ll save this topic for another day), were we going to another restaurant where I watched mommy and daddy eat?

No. None of the above mentioned scenarios happened journal. You know what did happen? Mommy and daddy took me to daycare. What is daycare you ask? Well after spending the last four days there, I can only describe it as a place with lots of toys and other tiny human beings. I was slightly confused on Day 1, especially since mommy cried the entire time we were on our way there. But let’s get real, that is not surprising…that woman is a bit emotional.

I thought the whole daycare situation was only a one day thing, but nope…I got the hint after today. But apparently mommy didn’t because she was still getting emotional this morning too! Here’s to hoping she gets over her weird attachment to me by next week. I’m making some friends at daycare and I can’t let them see her crying over me! How embarrassing.

Journal, I have found a very nice benefit to being at daycare. The older kids are teaching me their ways. I am studying their every move, watching them play, learning their tricks. As I grow stronger and bigger every day, I will soon be able to take what I have learned and use it to mold mommy and daddy into doing everything I want. They are understanding my routine, and I need to change it quickly so they do not adapt to my behavior. I have to constantly keep them on their toes!

But alas, my desire for household domination must wait. It is time to spend the next hour kicking the furry beast when he gets near me. We have come to an agreement, he allows me to pull his hair and grab at his face and I allow him to occasionally sniff my crap filled diaper. Not sure who is getting the better end of the deal here, I think it is him since he too gets the opportunity to bask in my awesomeness.

Until next time,

Dahlia

Day 136

Dear Journal – Day 136 on Earth

My sincerest apologizes for my absence lately journal, I have been busy doing what I do best; being awesome.

In the past two weeks I have experienced many new exciting things! Oh goodness, where do I even begin? Well first things first, mommy had the audacity to LEAVE ME ALL NIGHT! That’s right journal, she went on a ‘work trip’. Again, I’m assuming that this ‘work trip’ situation means she went somewhere to have fun without me. Rude. How daddy explained it was that mommy got to sleep in a big comfy bed with lots of pillows all by herself! Poor daddy, to be nice I let him sleep without any interruptions all night long! But he really did deserve it, while mommy was gone he took me on a special daddy/daughter date!

First daddy took me to the chiropractor so I could say hi to my boyfriend….doctor, I mean doctor…

Then daddy took me shopping! Yes, that’s right journal my daddy shops...well, only for me! Mommy says he spoils me, I say DUH mom as he should! Have you seen me? How could you not spoil me! LOOK AT MY FACE! Oh wait, sorry journal…um, look at my words? They’re pretty cute too.

We celebrated mommies first Mother’s Day! Turns out Mother’s Day is exactly what it sounds like, an entire day spoiling mommy and giving her lots of love! Daddy let her sleep in and then we took her out to her favorite restaurant. Apparently mommy likes something called ‘sushi’, daddy informed me that sushi is just another word for gross. I think it is safe to say that mommy had a fantastic day!

I would update you on the rolling over situation…but, I would rather not like to talk about it. But hey, I can tell you that I have a pretty great view of our floors when laying on my side!

Side note Journal, while Babies R Us is a fantastic place to shop...their diapers are awful! Listen, I love playing 'what's that smell' as much as the next 4.5 month old, but their diapers are really starting to take the fun part out of the game! I'm getting too old to be seen in public with poop running down my legs! Hello, that was so 4 weeks ago! 

OH! And journal, did I mention that not only did mommy leave me for a night but my BFF Ellison left for over a WEEK? She's off having an adventure with her family in Ireland! I sure do miss her, she is about the only person who lets me stick my hand in her mouth. She is weird like that, so how could I not miss her? 

Well journal, I think I have updated you on everything! As you can tell, I have clearly matured since my last entry. With that being said, I am leaving you with a picture of the face that everyone loves so much....MINE! Mommy has over 900 pictures of me on her camera, I figured I could at least share one with you! 

Until next time, 

Dahlia

Day 118

Dear Journal – Day 118 on earth

I believe it was the great Gerber baby that once said, “Don’t forget your bib”. I always questioned the wisdom of those words, wondering what she meant by it. Well journal, after soaking through three separate tops and impressively one pair of pants today I think I can confirm what those words truly mean. As of late, I can’t seem to control the excessive amount of liquid coming out of my mouth. Mommy calls it ‘drool’, I call it – hilarious. I especially like it when daddy holds me up high in his arms because I like to lean over and watch the drool fall to the ground. I hope mommy and daddy know I only do this so the furry beast gets a little treat. If he can lick my face, I don’t see why I can’t return the favor in the same way!

I’ll be turning 120 days old on Friday or ‘4 months old’ as mommy likes to say. Not sure what this month thing is but she seems to be excited about it! Although…come to think of it, that’s really not surprising because that woman gets excited about everything! Like the other day, I ALMOST mastered the rolling over situation! Seriously, I was SO close journal and mommy got so excited she scared me! HELLOOOOOO who squeals when someone is attempting to conquer such a monumental accomplishment! Sigh. Well journal, as you can assume I did not happen to roll over.

Soon journal, I can feel it…it will happen soon…

Speaking of me doing awesome things with my life journal, I’ve recently taken it upon myself to start grabbing things. Let me be a little bit more specific, I have started to grab hair. Chunks of hair. Lots of hair. I figure if mommy wants to squeal, I’ll give her something to squeal about! I try to grab my auntie’s hair, but she just laughs and lets me. I like that woman, she gets me.

Ah, do you hear that journal? It’s the sound of a warm bottle being made! I’m going to leave you with some more wise words I recently heard, a phrase that I hear mommy say quite frequently before her dinner time – ‘GET IN MA BELLY’.

Until next time,

Dahlia

Day 110

Dear Journal – Day 110 on Earth

This morning I woke up, sat on the back deck and watched the sunrise. I contemplated the meaning of life while listening to Mozart. HAHA, just kidding journal. I woke up with dried up slobber around my mouth, screamed until the giants came to get me, and then I finished my bottle in a record breaking time of 17 minutes. I swear, I can scream all day, projectile vomit, and literally poop everywhere and mommy and daddy STILL think I’m the cutest thing there ever was. I recently saw my reflection in the mirror and I totally get it now. I am seriously adorable. If I could figure it out somehow, I would pinch my own cheeks.

But enough about my good looks, let’s talk about how much life has changed since my last update. I am happy to announce that I have finally figured out the hand in mouth situation. I realized I needed to ungrasp my thumb in order to get better suction. Whoa. Life changing. Who needs a binky when you have one attached to your body? I keep trying to get mommy and daddy to try my thumb to see what they are missing out on, but they will not open their mouths when I try and stick my hands in them! Clearly it’s their loss!

I did take up the hobby of trying to ‘roll over’ as I mentioned in my last post. I underestimated how complicated that was going to be. First off, the whole part of being on my stomach is a serious issue. Does anyone actually enjoy that? I recently overheard mommy talk about how much she “hated” something called ‘exercising’, she seemed very passionate about it because she kept repeating the word ‘hate’. I can only assume that hate is a strong word and used to describe something uncomfortable. So I will say this, I HATE BEING ON MY STOMACH. I would rather sit through an episode of that awful cartoon ‘Caillou’. Trust me journal…that is saying a lot.

Sigh. But like mommy, I will continue to try because now I am just determined to figure out this rolling over situation. Also like mommy, I will continue to cry while doing this activity that I hate so much. Once I master it though, I have a feeling there will be no stopping me! I will become a rolling machine! There’s a corner of the living room that looks intriguing, I must find a way to get to it and I have a feeling that rolling there will be my only option.

Oh crap filled diaper, is it 10:00pm already? Between playing, eating, and napping I feel like my days are just going by too fast! I rarely have any time to play tricks and games on mommy and daddy. Although journal, my latest game is quite hilarious. I recently started to notice that every time I would smile or laugh, mommy would place this object in front of me. She would say things like ‘smile for mommy’ or ‘smile for the camera’. Journal, this is great, you’re going to love this. Now when she brings the object out and puts it in front of me, I stop everything that I am doing and just stare at it. Then after a few minutes when she puts it away…I start being absolutely adorable again. HA! Seriously. It’s fantastic. If there is anything I have learned these past few months on earth it’s that I am one hilarious baby.

Well journal, as always it has been a pleasure. I must go now, being this cute and hilarious seriously takes a toll on one’s self. I need to rest up for my morning bottle on the deck to watch the sunrise. Hahaha, again just kidding. I’m going to rest up so I can wake up and leave a massive surprise in my diaper for daddy. What can I say journal, I have a big heart and truly love to give and share with others.

Until next time,

Dahlia

Day 98

Dear Journal - Day 98 on earth

Journal I am 2 days away from being 100 days old. Whoa. When did I get so old? Where did the time go? Just yesterday I was in size 0 diapers, sleeping my days away, enjoying life as a newborn. Now? I'm sitting here in my size 2 diapers, taking only 2-3 hours worth of naps a day. I feel so mature! I have this overwhelming desire to start taking my bottle on the back deck watching the sunrise in the mornings. I can't believe I'm about to say this journal, but maybe...just maybe...it's time I give up my nights of getting up at 2:00-3:00 am to party with my mommy and daddy. A girls got to give up her wild ways at some point! I tried it last night and I woke up this morning feeling like a whole new baby!

I've been playing a fun new game I like to call "what's that smell?" Spoiler alert journal, it's my butt. The twist to this fun new game is how much poop I can get out of my diaper and onto my clothes. So far the score is:

Dahlia - 6
Mommy & Daddy - 0

My favorite part of the game is when they put me in my car seat to go for a car ride, I like to spend the entire trip (short or long) focusing on how far up I can get it on my back! Seriously kids, try this at home. Your parents will love it.

I need to sit down and have a serious talk with mommy, she's crossing some personal boundaries. For the past couple days she keeps sticking her finger in my mouth. Whoa lady. First off, she better be washing her hands. Secondly, stop. My mouth hurts and for some reason she thinks it's super cute and exciting. Also journal, while we are on this topic, what the heck is a tooth?

Oh hey journal, please remind me to tell mommy I need to pencil in another play date with my friends Elle & Nat, maybe we can grab a bite to eat. I'd ask them where they want to go but they always pick the same place, boobs & bottles. I mean don't get me wrong, it's a fantastic restaurant but at some point we're going to need to venture out!

Looks like we are about to start another round of 'what's that smell?'. Good thing too because I am ready to hit the crib! Now that my partying days are over, maybe I'll take up a new hobby like 'rolling over' since mommy keeps asking me when I'm going to start. That woman is so needy, seriously, calm down lady. Just let me bask in my awesomeness and let you enjoy it.

Until next time,

Dahlia

Day 92

Dear Journal - Day 92 on earth

One week journal, ONE WEEK and mommy is still gone most of the day. WHAT IS THIS? Day one, fine, I accepted it. I did think it was weird how sad she was about leaving me, but I figured she was just going out to run errands or even better to buy me presents! Then it happened again the next day...and the next day and every day this week! Apparently she has been going to 'work'. What in the crap filled diaper is that? Is 'work' code for having fun without me? Sigh. Journal it's been rough but luckily my auntie has been coming over to hang out with me. She's pretty cool, I enjoy laughing at her and she enjoys taking lots of pictures of me. It's a pretty great arrangement!

I turned 3 months old yesterday, does that make me old enough to start making my own decisions? Hmm, I think yes which is why I decided that 2:30 am is a very appropriate time to wake up and start my day. Mommy and daddy....meh, they don't seem to agree with me. I'm assuming this will be one of many life decisions I make that they do not agree with. I'm only doing them a favor by starting so young. Gives them time to get used it!

Journal, I'm having a really hard time with my hands lately. I have this overwhelming desire to suck my thumb, but I just cannot figure it out! I end up sticking my whole hand in my mouth and it gets so slobbery and wet. I don't mind that though because I just wipe it on daddy or mommy's face. I think they're more grossed out with my daily presents in my diaper than they are with my slobber. I can't blame them though, I'm not sure what they feed me but it sure makes me smell!

Oh it seems to be about that time again, time for mommy and daddy to pamper me and feed me before I take my nightly nap. This will give me about 3-4 hours before it's time for me to get up and start my day! With the holidays coming up though, maybe I'll consider going back to letting them sleep for 7-9 hours for awhile. HA! April fools!

Crap, mommy just advised me that apparently I'm a day late with my joke. Oh well, I still think I'm hilarious.

Until next time,

Dahlia